Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
its liver damage thursday
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
