'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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