If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
