just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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