Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
