God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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