Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
