He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
