I wanna bring you to show and tell
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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