haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
