I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
