So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
