Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
