There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
