Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
