just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
