Someone shit on the floor
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They took my balls.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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