I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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