i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
