I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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