Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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