Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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