Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
