So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
