she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
