thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it was like eating out sand paper
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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