i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We left the knife in your bed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
