remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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