Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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