She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
