if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
