Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
