I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
