Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
