You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
