he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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