I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How does one acquire holy water?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
