the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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