Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
