isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
