Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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