WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
