I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
