I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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