And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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