I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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