none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
