I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
