I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
