Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
