my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i came on her dog
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
