My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
