Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
