drinking out of a sandbucket again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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