can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
