Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
