I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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