i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
