He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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