left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
