He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
